Who likes cycling in heavy traffic?

On the hunt for traffic-lite cycle routes

Ssssh! Today, let's talk about quiet routes.
What exactly are they? Well, finding some authoritative definition is harder than you think. There may well be a handy little table buried on the Department for Transport's cycling website. You know, something pithy that specifies the number of vehicle kilometres (that's volume of traffic to you and me) that lead to a road being classed as quiet. 
But I've not got the time or nerd interest to dig something out so definitive for you. 

For me, a quiet route is one of those neat little backstreets that avoids the main roads clogged up with cars.
Don't misunderstand me. I'm not a pavement pedal pusher. I'm quite at home cycling my Brompton bicycle on roads rammed full of traffic. It doesn't bother me (which doesn't mean I take traffic for granted).
It's just given the option of cycling beside lots of pollution-belching vehicles or in a nearby street with the occasional car, I'd pick the quiet route every time. 
Plus fewer cars must surely equate to a lower concentration of fumes and that's got to be good for my lungs.
I try to be very picky about quiet routes. For me, they don't just need less traffic using them, they also need to be good roads for cycling on. So, the second thing that can make a quiet route brilliant is elevation - or rather the lack of it.
Hands up, who honestly likes cycling up a hill? Down them, yes. Up them? Only if I have to.
Sorry if that makes me sound lazy - I'm not, by the way - but hilly terrain can be a big turn off to people who aren't avid cyclists. I've had plenty of conversations with mates who've expressed a desire to get on a bike but added they'd never do it because of getting all hot and sweaty, panting up a hill.
Of course, it might be a struggle to avoid inclines in some towns and cities in the UK. But here in Southend-on-sea, there aren't too many. So avoiding them is possible if you take a slightly different (and admittedly sometimes more circuitous) route.
The last thing that really makes a quiet route shine like the rising sun is its surface.
Here is a newsflash for all motorists - cyclists hate potholes too. And sunken drain covers. And ruts. In fact any metal work that is just on the apex of bend, especially when it is wet. 
Ooooh, there's nothing quite so thrilling as losing your traction on a manhole cover going round a turn as a vehicle cuts you up. Priceless!
So bearing these three criteria in my mind - light traffic, flat(ish) terrain and a sound surface - it's not that hard to find the perfect place to get back in the saddle and enjoy the wind in your hair as you go for a ride.
Finding all three of these characteristics in one route can be tricky and you will have to make a trade off at times. It's up to you to decide if a bumpier, more direct journey is preferable to going around the houses to reach your destination. 
This feels a good point to break off for now. Next time I'll reveal how a little thought and local knowledge led me to find one of my favourite quiet routes in Southend-on-sea.
For now, why not make yourself a coffee (or whatever you're preferred beverage might be) and have a think about where you could go for a gentle urban bike ride.